


I Am Still Right Here

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 07:39:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12206787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Song is Hurt by Nine Inch Nails.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	I Am Still Right Here

I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that’s real

“Aaron, what happened?!” You ran out of the bathroom in a panic, hearing something crash down or into the wall you weren’t sure. After a bad day at work and the impending fifth anniversary of his ex-wife’s death at the hands of one of the worst serial killers he’d ever faced, you came home with him, hoping to keep his mind off things while Jack spent some time with his Aunt Jessica. 

The second you turned the corner you saw a whole in the wall. Then you saw Aaron clutching his hand and grimacing in pain, tears streaming down his face. “Aaron,” you whispered, closing the space between you to examine his hand. You wanted to ask what that was supposed to solve, but you didn’t at first. Testing out his joints, you examined him to make sure he was okay. Save for a few cuts and what would undoubtedly be a very nasty bruise, nothing looked broken, so you cleaned the blood off his hand and wrapped it in a bandage. “Babe, I’m so sorry.”

You sat on the kitchen counter and brought him closer to your body, his head resting on your shoulder as he continued to cry. Thank god Jack wasn’t home right now; there was nothing wrong with a boy seeing his father in a vulnerable state, but Aaron didn’t want his son to be privy to his occasional bouts of anger. Punching the wall had been a stupid decision, and he didn’t want Jack thinking that it was okay. 

“Why did you do that?” You finally asked. “What was that supposed to do?” It wasn’t condescending; it was just a way for you to get him to express what it was that brought him to make contact with the wall in such a manner that the plaster broke. 

With his uninjured hand, he guided you toward the couch. “I-I just get very…numb around this time of year. This has happened before. I do something that let’s me know I’m still alive, and maybe hurts me, hopefully it does anyway. It’s my penance. I miss her. It was my fault.”

He’d told you the story before. “Listen to me,” you said forcefully. “It was not your fault. You weren’t the one with the gun. He was. He chose to do what he did. That is not on you, that’s on him, and he’s six feet under.”

What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know  
Goes away in the end

“Everyone that I love either goes away or gets hurt because of me. You should leave before you get hurt to.” He was saying the words, but he made no motion to make you move or actually push you to leave. 

“Are you unhappy in this relationshIp?” You asked.

“No.”

“You said you loved me. Were you lying?” You hated that he was in so much pain that he didn’t think he deserved to have anyone close to him for fear of them getting hurt. 

“Of course not,” he replied. “I do love you.”

“Then I’m not leaving.”

“i just don’t want to hurt you. I love you too much for it to happen again.”

And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt

Turning to face him, you made sure his attention was fully on you before you continued. “Listen to me. What happened with Haley wasn’t your fault. I’m sure Spencer could give you the statistics about the likelihood of something like that happening again. I’m pretty sure there’s next to no chance, but that minuscule risk is a risk I take because I love you. I love you, Aaron Hotchner. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Aaron wrapped his uninjured hand around the back of your head, pulling you closer so he could kiss the top of your head. “I know. I’m sorry about this though.” He lifted his hand; it suddenly felt heavier. “It was stupid.”

“Yea,” you laughed softly. “But it’s done. And despite what you may think day in and day out, you still deserve to be loved.” You turned your head up to his, lightly kissing his chin before pressing another to his lips. “You aren’t the same person you were, but your stronger because of everything you’ve been through, and you have so many people that love you.”

Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here

Maybe he deserved you, maybe he didn’t. He still wasn’t sure, but he took your word for it, leaning his head against yours. “I guess I’m still here for a reason.”

“You are. For so many reasons.”


End file.
